For immediate release
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Announcing the imminent release of MS-English 2000. This will supersede all previous versions, including MS-English 3.1, MS-English for Workgroups, MS-English 95, and MS-English 98.

MS-English has numerous extensions (including Active-X support) to generic American and the Queen's English that marginalize and render those dialects obsolete. Note that native speakers of Standard English may experience compatibility problems understanding or reading communications in MS-English, but this is due to syntactical bugs and other shortcomings in the original English, and not to any deliberate incompatibilies introduced into MS-English to "break" any applications or speeches written in standard English.

MS-English has a vocabulary in excess of 35 million words, in contrast to the half million or so in generic English. This allows much greater latitude of expression for licensed users. (Ask about special corporate and educational discounts.)

MS-English has very strict licensing terms under the Shrinkwrap Language Act, and unauthorized use or teaching of it is illegal and should be reported immediately to the Proper Authorities.

MS-English is brought to you by the people who invented BASIC, DOS, the light bulb, and sliced bread ("...and on the seventh day They rested.").


Watch for some of our other fine products:

In the works is an updated version of Visual English, Enterprise Edition, the language development environment endorsed by leading functionaries. ("Nine out of ten bureaucrats prefer VE").

BackOfficialese 2000 is the corporate choice for writing memos and interoffice communications. Now with special 'obfuscation' mode.



Legal action is being taken to counteract malicious rumors that MS-English has stability problems causing speech impediments and writer's block, necessitating frequent nervous system reboots. It is likewise untrue that saying even the simplest things in MS-English requires thousands of words (the "communications bloat" canard).




"The goal is to have MS-English installed on every newborn baby, at no cost to the child, and with only a nominal licensing fee to the parents [OEMs]."

--from "The Little Red Book" of Chairman Bill


"In the Beginning was MS Word."
---"The New Scriptures, MS Std. Version"