It has been a time of inner peace for us both as we went to the temple and are reading Gurudeva's wonderful book, Merging with Siva, which we just got in the mail recently. It is truly a beautiful book full of many lifetimes of wisdom. Even though I am sure that I am only going so deep into the readings, it has given me a good direction along with practical advice on meditation, controlling emotions, and general well-being. It is so gentle and yet so deep.

I have been meditating daily and feel some shakti increasing in me from deep inside. I am sure this is just a baby step but it is a step nonetheless. I have started going from intellectual understanding to true understanding through intuition and daily living. Vinesh and I are both speaking in softer voices and marital bliss (I mean spiritually) is stronger than ever. Our friends Banudevi and Chellappa Deva said that we looked different to them.

The Ganesha in our home is very powerful. He has not spoken to us persay, but the whole house feels as if it has a cool California fresh morning breeze in it. The vibration is very strong and steady and there is a new light in the house. Meditation, and sometimes just sitting in front of Ganesha, has become not a spiritual discipline but a joy.

One profound new revelation to me was reading in "Merging with Siva" about the different levels of ourselves. First on the very outside is the body. Inside of that is the mind. Inside of that is our soul. Inside of that is God. When we are controlled by physical needs, our awareness is in the body. When we are controlled by emotions, or by rational thinking (not intuitive) we are in the different areas of the mind. In the mind we have the ability to move between different states of emotions at will. Overly being too happy or too sad or angry is an imbalance. In the middle is where we want to be. When going into meditation we should immerse ourselves in the light that we see with our third eye. I have practiced this and find it to be extremely fulfilling.

When making a decision, Gurudeva says you need to be aware of both your intuitive mind and your rational mind.  Your rational mind is not connected with the Self like your intuitive mind is. It is often manipulated like a math equation.  You can use your rational mind to justify your decision, but you should always know that like a math equation, no matter how many methods you use to come to the answer, it should be the same answer each time.  If you are having problems making a decision, or you feel a sense of anxiety about a decision you are about to make, it is because your rational mind is not in sync with your intuitive Self.  Ideally you should always make a decision with your intuitive mind, but many feel that they must justify the decision with their rational mind.  When the rational mind, reason, is in sync with the intuitive Self you will feel confident in your decision and will feel at peace with it.  If you cannot merge the rational mind with your intuitive Self, and the decision that you must make is not clear, then wait a little while until it becomes clearer to you. 

If the decision is one that you cannot wait on, then try a little trick that Amber's friend taught her:

Another thing I have learned is that if I do not understand someone, or I feel anger towards them, it is because there is a void of love for that person, and for that area of myself. When I am residing in a balanced place, I can see that probably that person is at a certain lower mental level but I should not love them any less for it. My friend Rany said that when you are irritated with something about your husband or wife, it is because you recognize that deficiency in yourself and are irritated by it.  Gurudeva said that you cannot dislike the roots in the mud because residing within them is the lotus-to-be. A guru is an important step to merging your mind with the Self.  When you look at your guru, you are  looking at yourself in a more perfect state.